LIFE LATELY, FROM A DISTANCE.

I came to a point where I did not want to look at my phone anymore and scroll into my Instagram or Facebook feed just because it didn't make me feel that connected to anyone or anything at all anymore. I'm sure most of you have more or less watched a drama or a movie that has a scene of a prisoner numbering his days in his cell by writing through his prison walls. I know, it may not be the most positive or vibrant example out there, but it is the best way to describe how I've been feeling about being stuck at home lately and I know most of you would more or less resonate with me at some point. We've probably maxed out all the plants in our garden, watched a ton of Netflix series or listened to a bunch of podcasts, and yes, baked a whole lot of bread and whatnot. Don't get me wrong, there's really nothing wrong with trying to divert our thoughts and ourselves from cabin fever but I honestly came to realize that these can also be paralyzing. There comes a point in our days now where the sight of a zoom window does not feel all that comforting anymore and you just wish you could go out and actually see the faces on the screen, hug them, share a meal with them, or just be able to walk freely outside without the barriers and fear. 

I went through this kind of burnout this month and I want to share with you moments where I tried to battle it out by doing something outside the comforts of my social media feed, times where I just allowed the longing to linger and utilized it to help me process situations and accept them with gratitude and hope. Here are bits and pieces of my life lately, from a distance, in pigmented squares.

Going out to get a glimpse of the sunrise served as a great reminder that it is a new day and that it's another opportunity to learn and grow. I suffered from a minor back injury this month so I was basically staying in my bed most of the time to recover, but when I got back the strength to stand and walk, I made sure to at least go out in the garden to take a peek of the sky. Simple moments like this remind me of what it truly means to be alive, and I praise God for each day that passed and will pass.

It's been raining torrentially here in Manila making it harder to schedule a fixed time to go walking. But when there is a chance to, my husband and I really make sure to leave the house and just see a completely different scene, even for just a while. A change in scenery really helps with cabin fever, even if it's just in your neighborhood park or simply walking around your street. I have also observed how the trees are so much more vibrant and lush now compared to how they were in the summer. It somehow became a good representation of how life could be - we have to go through the unexpected rains and tails of wind in order to grow new leaves and grow.

Getting groceries is the only time I get to leave the house. And I have to be honest, It's something I truly look forward to doing on a weekly basis. It's the only time I get to dress up, sit in the car and observe the road, see other people from a distance, and somehow feel what life is outside the comforts of my home. I grew up going to this mall, but it's only recently that I've actually paid attention to its architecture and how much it aged with time, in a great and comforting way.

Once in a while, after our grocery runs, my husband and I will decide to grab takeout food or just a cup of coffee. And though I feel comfortable and assured with the idea of coming inside a cafe or restaurant without people inside, I also felt sympathy for the businesses who have taken a huge hit from the consequences brought about by the pandemic. It made me wonder, how many of these beautifully designed places will make it through at the end of the year? Call it an occupational disease, but I also tend to wonder how commercial spaces will move forward when it comes to adapting to the needs of the new normal. I truly hope that we use our skills and gifts to be able to not only help ourselves but more importantly, our community as well.

I've also been rediscovering past interests that I've burrowed somewhere for quite a while. Like taking out all the soy candles I've made last year and lighting it up at night. I've also recently purchased a book by my long-time favorite blogger and artist, Todd Selby. It's an old book, but I haven't really got the chance to find a copy anywhere around me so when I happened to chance upon one copy in the bookstore, I made sure to grab it. I've been enjoying each page as Todd really has a way of narrating through his images. The Selby is in Your Place is a book focused on presenting people and their homes in a more personal and candid way, away from the dangers of curation.

Receiving a package from someone I'm well familiar with gave me so much joy. It was such a random act that made a lot of difference during this time. To be able to know that someone thought about you and went the extra mile to let you know about it is one of the most comforting and joyful events at a time like this. The idea of my package being switched with someone else made it funnier and memorable at the same time!

I've been making art a lot during the past few months and it's definitely one of the best ways to keep me out of the screen. It's a great way to relieve stress from work and being overexposed to emails and taking calls, it's also one of the best ways to express yourself and create something that you can call your own. Last weekend I invited my husband to paint with me, it was his first time painting with watercolor and I was not really expecting to have such a wonderful time seeing him produce quirky outputs.

Remember my illustration of the prisoner numbering his days on his cell? I've been doing the same thing as well, but instead of taking in the negative impact of being inside the cell, I've come to slowly accept the reality and used this time to be a bit more conscious of what I take in digitally, be more verbally expressive about how I truly feel, and using my time outside the screen for something random, something creative, something mundane yet surprisingly life-changing if only we look at it from your own lens - not what the vlogs or podcasts, not the pins or posts. Sometimes embracing the season with your eyes fully set on what's before you make the most memories, meanings, and impact in our lives.

How have you all been lately? The breeze is a bit colder at night from my part of the globe and it only means one thing, Christmas is coming. And though most of us might say that it's hard to 'feel' it with everything happening around us, I hope and pray that we'll find the heart to be joyful and grateful for all that we have and not of what we do not have.

Writing to you from a cold and gloomy Sunday afternoon in Manila, wishing you today and always, a Happy Heyday!