WHERE DOES CHANGE REALLY START?

Time-offs give us time to think about a lot of things. It gives us enough space to process and understand ourselves in solitude and crowds of thoughts and people. One of my favorite things to evaluate in my life would be the changes that come along with daily activities and encounters, I find it really beautiful because I know that these little or huge changes mold us in character and form, more than we can ever imagine. I used to be scared of the idea of change, knowing that in this process I might lose things and people that I've learned to love and live with. But as we grow older and experience a lot of things, we learn that change is inevitable the painful ones are those that stick to us and make us better, wiser and resilient at the same time.

The past three months have been bittersweet for me, for you, and the rest of the world. With all that's been happening around us, it's easy and equally normal to fear the uncertain and feel outraged by the unjust. I could not find the right words to say last week as it has been one of the most eventful and stressful time for people around the world and even my own country. This is why I decided to take some time off the blog and be more of an observer and listener on the things being published around me. 

I realized that there is so much more to what we see on social media platforms and the internet, and we carry a huge sense of accountability over the things that we say and do because whatever it is we put out there do not only affect us, it affects a whole lot of people as much as it will affect the future generation. Educating ourselves on current events must not stop at two or three articles or reposting visuals in our platforms, it requires a lot of research and rooting back and this, in turn, takes a whole lot of time and energy to process and understand. I have realized that though I have my own views on these pressing matters, I also have to understand and accept that we all have our own pace and methods of expressing our hearts and beliefs. We cannot call out those who are silent, for most of them are listening, most of them are reflecting, and most of them are making active changes.

If you are reading this now feeling voiceless, I want you to know that it's okay. Take your time, take all the time that you need to read, to listen, and to truly understand. Because truthfully, the change that we cry for does not matter if we just depend on others, change starts with the way we live, think, and act. We hear it a lot, 'change starts with you' - we can find a lot of self-help articles about this and most of them encourage us to change our mindset on things. While it seems easy and beautiful, it truly does take a whole lot in us to be able to practice this truthfully. 

Take resolutions as a good example. Before every year ends, we evaluate ourselves and make lists of our goals, most of them all relate with habit and lifestyle change. But as we move on with the new year, a lot of things happen and most of them are things we never expected or even wanted. We then look back at our list and feel frustrated about how much of these items leave unchecked or even noticed. This develops a sense of self-hate and blame for most of us, and it affects our way of life more than we can ever imagine. I am not saying that lists are useless, it is great to have goals, but I have also come to realize that we get very fixated on the idea of accomplishing these items and fail to also look at the idea of developing the attitude of acceptance should things go wayward and out of our own hands. We cannot control situations and people, but we have some sense of will to control ourselves.

Our hands are too small and we only have a pair of eyes to see what is in front of us, in as much as we want to see things from a lot of angles all at once, what's immediate is what is within our reach. I have realized that I have not been practicing this faithfully. I have not been consistently walking the talk. And this pressing issue on racial injustice and color has opened that door for me to re-evaluate myself and the way I look and treat people - in the past, at present, and moving forward. In the same way that we talk about how racism, gender bias, and activism start and is taught at home, the change that we desperately ask for starts within all of us.

I am writing this not to spark division nor debate, I am just sharing what I have realized over the past week. I am one with those who are fighting for change and I truly admire those who are using their individual platforms to support these changes. I'm writing this to assure and encourage those who are feeling voiceless, those who do not know where to start, and how to help. I am writing this because I also felt the same way. I want things to change, whether or not I will be blessed to have a child in the future, I still want the future generation to be able to live a life that they deserve. And as their predecessors, the ones that they will grow up seeing, hearing, and looking up to, how do we want them to learn from us? I wish to end this by sharing with you a quote from an article in Medium by Charlene Fate:

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The best way to foster change is to look beyond our little bubble and listen to the individual narratives of those around us

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How are you? I truly hope that you are healthy and safe. Now more than ever, it is important that we take some time to listen to ourselves as well and truly process how we feel. I also wish to extend to you the assurance that if this period is quite bleak, it is completely okay to stop and slow down, take your time. I continue to pray for healing, peace of mind, wisdom, and change for all of us. In every season and every trial, may God's peace and assurance reign in our hearts as we course through this unpredictable yet beautiful life.

Happy 122nd Independence Day, Philippines!

Happy Heyday!

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